Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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