My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
