I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
