She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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