She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
