Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
