you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
