I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize