you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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