Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
