I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
