Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
