party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
