Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
