Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
