its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We are two peas in an std pod
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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