he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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