If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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