Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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