I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize