he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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