Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
