somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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