A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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