god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
