i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
