We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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