we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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