While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
