i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
