I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize