yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize