dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
