the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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