we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
