Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
