I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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