I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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