Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
