I am in a vortex of obligation.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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