i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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