my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
