I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also, beer. Big fan.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
