how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
