I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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