If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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