Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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