Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
