I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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