I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
