a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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