New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
