I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
