I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
