So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
