I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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