laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
