i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
