What a fucking waste of an outfit
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I understand Curling. That high.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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