the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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