I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
