i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
