I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
