walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
