She announced her abortion via fbk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
