just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
